Limerence is a state of involuntary obsession with another person. The experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the “limerent object” in the literature, also desires you. Since limerence is the desire to be desired, it is a cognitive, as well as physical, and emotional experience. As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in love with the person, it is almost always one-sided.
Limerence, a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s, describes an intense, involuntary state of romantic attraction and emotional dependency on another person. It’s characterized by intrusive thoughts, heightened emotional reactions, and a strong desire for reciprocation.
It’s important to note that limerence differs from typical romantic attraction in several key ways. While romantic attraction can be intense, it generally doesn’t involve the same level of obsessive thinking or emotional dependency characteristic of limerence. Moreover, limerence often persists even in the face of clear rejection or lack of reciprocation, whereas typical romantic attraction tends to fade when unrequited.
Limerence is an involuntary and intense experience, marked by repetitive, intrusive, and distressing thoughts linked to a person or what is often referred to as a limerent object. It can feel exciting and terrible simultaneously and is rooted in uncertainty and fueled by adrenaline and confusion. There often is no relationship with the person, the limerent object, all of the thinking and experiences are based on inner cognitions and the maladaptive processes of the person experiencing the phenomenon.
Limerence, Love, and Neurodivergent Women | Psychology Today
Autism, Monotropism, and Limerence
In my experience, being neurodivergent is like living in high definition, and falling in love is an equally intense experience. Matters of the heart can be thrilling, confusing, and problematic.
Limerence, Love, and Neurodivergent Women | Psychology Today
How autism traits may influence the experience of limerence:
- Intense focus: The tendency for autistic individuals to develop intense, focused interests may contribute to the obsessive nature of limerence.
- Difficulty with social cues: Challenges in interpreting social signals may lead to misinterpretation of friendly gestures as romantic interest, potentially triggering or intensifying limerent feelings.
- Emotional regulation: Some autistic individuals may struggle with emotional regulation, which could amplify the intense feelings associated with limerence.
- Black-and-white thinking: The tendency towards rigid, binary thinking patterns in autism may contribute to the all-or-nothing nature of limerent attachments.
- Sensory sensitivities: Heightened sensory experiences may intensify the physical symptoms associated with limerence, such as increased heart rate or sweating in the presence of the limerent object.
Challenges faced by autistic individuals in managing limerence can be significant. The intense focus and obsessive thoughts characteristic of limerence may be particularly difficult for autistic individuals to manage, given their tendency towards restricted interests and repetitive behaviors. Additionally, the social communication difficulties associated with autism may make it challenging for individuals to navigate the complex social dynamics of romantic relationships, potentially exacerbating limerent feelings.
Having intense focus on special interests is common for autistic folks. Autistic individuals often develop deep, all-encompassing fascinations with specific topics, activities, or people. Limerence, characterized by an overwhelming, obsessive attraction to another person, can manifest similarly. For an autistic person, the object of their limerence might become a special interest, leading to persistent thoughts and behaviors centered around this individual. This intensity can be both exhilarating and exhausting, impacting daily functioning and emotional well-being.
What is the connection between autism and limerence? — Best Self Psych
