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We love this fun tweet on the five Neurodivergent, sometimes abbreviated as ND, means having a mind that functions in ways which diverge significantly from the dominant societal standards of “normal.”NEURODIVERSITY: SOME BASIC TERMS & DEFINITIONS Neurodivergent is quite... love languages from the always insightful Myth.
An emotional bid is when we do something to signal that we want attention and connectionEmotional bids are central to every kind of relationship – romantic, social and professional.The Most... are the pixels of relationship communications and are important to Relationship accommodations are the reasonable adjustments we make which allow the other person to meet our needs.Raffael Boccamazzo https://youtu.be/bZ-wCP4tjrg But there are times when we don't understand why our partner.... This list is much about recognizing and meeting some common neurodivergent emotional bids in relationships, thus the phrase “love languages”.
We’ll expand on each with selected quotes, images, and videos.
Gottman refers to bids as “the fundamental unit of emotional communication.” Bids can be small or big, verbal or nonverbal. They’re requests to connect.
Bids are often purposely subtle because people are afraid to be vulnerable and put themselves out there. It’s scary to say, “Hey! I want to connect! Pay attention to me!” so instead, we ask a question or tell a story or offer our hand for connection. We hope we’ll receive connection in return, but if not, it’s less scary than pleading, “Connect with me, please!”Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids
- Parallel Play, Body Doubling
- Support Swapping, Sharing Spoons
- Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body
- Penguin Pebbling: “I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it”
- Neurodivergent Love Languages and Teamwork
- Spiky Profiles
- Reframe Neurodivergence
- Why We Reframe
- Reframe Aid
- Reframe Learning
- Reframe Research
- Reframe Services
- Support Myth
- Need Support?
- Header Art: Sphere of Humanity by Heike Blakley
I like them spooky and you're just my style Said the Leo to the Taurus And if you’d like to stay with me awhile I'll cover us with forest We can stroll across a magic land It's green and it is glowing Lay our bodies in the moss and sand We know and we are knowing
“Strange Astrology” is one of the only proper love songs I’ve ever written. It’s an honest exploration of what it means to love someone who is intrinsically Our friends and allies at Randimals have a saying, What makes us different, makes all the difference in the world.Randimals We agree. Randimals are made up of two different animals... than you. It’s about hoping that those juxtaposing qualities and instincts encourage meaningful growth instead of chaos, but knowing that inevitably it will always be a bit of both.FLOOD – Slothrust Break Down Their Spiritual New LP “Parallel Timeline” Track by Track
I don’t know who invented the phrase “special interest.” Probably some researcher. Autistic people don’t really love the term because the term “special” has become tied so closely with terms... and Having a special interest is like having a crush or being newly in love. It is consuming and delightful. We love to share our special interests and a common example...
I don’t know who invented the phrase “I don’t know who invented the phrase “special interest.” Probably some researcher. Autistic people don’t really love the term because the term “special” has become tied so closely with terms....” Probably some researcher. Autistic ways of being are human neurological variants that can not be understood without the social model of disability.If you are wondering whether you are Autistic, spend time amongst Autistic people, online and offline. If... people don’t really love the term because the term “special” has become tied so closely with terms like “special needs,” which we resent.
Nevertheless, somewhere down the line “special interest,” commonly shortened to I don’t know who invented the phrase “special interest.” Probably some researcher. Autistic people don’t really love the term because the term “special” has become tied so closely with terms... (“spin”), became the term for the characteristically-autistic tendency to develop an I don’t know who invented the phrase “special interest.” Probably some researcher. Autistic people don’t really love the term because the term “special” has become tied so closely with terms... with something specific and often obscure.
Some I don’t know who invented the phrase “special interest.” Probably some researcher. Autistic people don’t really love the term because the term “special” has become tied so closely with terms... are short lived, and some last the lifetime of the person; but, however long they last, they are intense, delightful, and a vital part of autistic culture.
So integral are special interests to autistic culture that autistic people will post about feeling depressed and unmotivated because they don’t have an active SpIn at the moment.
It is also quite acceptable in autistic culture to “infodump” on a topic whenever it happens to come up. To autists (an insider short-hand for autistic people), the sharing of knowledge and information is always welcome.7 Cool Aspects of Autistic Culture » NeuroClastic
Parallel Play, Body Doubling
I want to spend time in parallel existence with you; let’s be alone together.neurowonderful — neurowonderful: They’re here! Because you…
Related to parallel play is the ADHDer practice of But in the world of ADHD, a body double is someone who sits with a person with ADHD as he tackles tasks that might be difficult to complete alone. Many....
But in the world of ADHD or what I prefer to call Kinetic Cognitive Style (KCS) is another good example. (Nick Walker coined this alternative term.) The name ADHD implies that Kinetics like me have..., a But in the world of ADHD, a body double is someone who sits with a person with ADHD as he tackles tasks that might be difficult to complete alone. Many... is someone who sits with a person with ADHD as he tackles tasks that might be difficult to complete alone.
Many people with ADHD find it easier to stay focused on housework, homework, bill paying, and other tasks when someone else is around to keep them company. The body double may just sit quietly. He may read, listen to music on headphones, or work on the task that the person with ADHD is working on. Hard work is simply more fun when someone else is nearby.Getting Stuff Done Is Easier with a Friend
But why does a body double work? There are a few possible explanations. The simplest is that the body double serves as a physical anchor for the distracted individual who feels more focused by the presence of another person in their space. The distracted person feels responsible to and for the body double. This perception translates as-I can’t waste this gift of time.The Body Double: A Unique Tool for Getting Things Done | ADDA – Attention Deficit Disorder Association
But she wasn’t there to procrastinate. For an hour, Ms. Bee, a teacher in her 30s, live-streamed herself sorting the clothes on her account dedicated to ADHD: brainsandspoons. As the live stream went on, viewers jumped in to do their own laundry “with” her.
“Everybody was so encouraging,” said Ms. Bee, who learned she has ADHD as an adult. “It made it really feel like a group project, not just me by myself on camera. It definitely made the time go by faster.”
The ADHD What I have always been hoping to accomplish is the creation of community.Community is magic. Community is power. Community is resistance.Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century https://www.amazon.com/Disability-Visibility-First-Person-Stories-Twenty-First-ebook/dp/B082ZQBL98/ https://www.amazon.com/Disability-Visibility-Adapted-Young-Adults-ebook/dp/B08VFT4R9T/... calls the practice “body doubling.”‘Body doubling,’ an ADHD productivity tool, is flourishing online | Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
If you imagine that an autistic kid at school is likely to be wrenched out of their attention tunnel multiple times every day, each time leading to disorientation and deep discomfort, you are on your way to understanding why school environments can be so stressful for many autistic students. If you can avoid contributing to that, you may find that you have an easier time with your autistic students: try entering into their attention tunnel when you can, rather than tugging them out of it. Parallel play is one powerful tool for this; start where the child is, show interest in what they’re focused on. If you do need to pull them out of whatever they’re focusing on, it’s best to give them a bit of time.Craft, Flow and Cognitive Styles
Support Swapping, Sharing Spoons
Neurodivergent people, working together, can fill the gaps in each other’s spiky profiles. Go team. Members of the Neurodiversity ERG at Automattic help each other out during synchronous, meatspace meetups, which can be very stressful.
Support swapping can happen during parallel play, making for a nice moment of converging love languages.
The people tell us what they need, and we find the person in the community who can meet that need.
A concept we have taken to calling “https://twitter.com/neurowonderful/status/1398175377235726338 Neurodivergent people, working together, can fill the gaps in each other’s spiky profiles. Go team. Members of the Neurodiversity ERG at Automattic help each other out during synchronous, meatspace....”What are we working on now? 🥄 #onefreeapp #sharingspoons #communitysolutions #mutualaid (feat. @lindsaymakesvideos)
What is What I have always been hoping to accomplish is the creation of community.Community is magic. Community is power. Community is resistance.Disability Visibility: First-Person Stories from the Twenty-First Century https://www.amazon.com/Disability-Visibility-First-Person-Stories-Twenty-First-ebook/dp/B082ZQBL98/ https://www.amazon.com/Disability-Visibility-Adapted-Young-Adults-ebook/dp/B08VFT4R9T/...?
“Solidarity, not charity.”
Collective Community Care: Dreaming of Futures in Autistic Mutual Aid
- Interdependence acknowledges that our survival is bound up together, that we are interconnected and what you do impacts others. If this pandemic has done nothing else, it has illuminated how..., understanding and support
- Gives opportunity to help & Care work makes all other work possible. Putting care—not just care work, but care—at the center of our economy, our politics, is to orient ourselves around our interdependence. Care is... for other in on our own terms and within our own capacities
- Direct support in a community within a community
- It’s much easier to practice asking, offering, receiving, and declining among people who “get it”!
Moving from a rights-based perspective to a justice-based one necessitates a look at our care systems and re-envisioning how our communities function to ensure no one is left behind.Collective Community Care: Dreaming of Futures in Autistic Mutual Aid, Autscape: 2020 Presentations
Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body
A famous example of the common autistic preference for deep pressure input is Temple Grandin’s Squeeze Machine.
At age 18, I constructed the squeeze machine to help calm down the anxiety and panic attacks. Using the machine for 15 minutes would reduce my anxiety for up to 45-60 minutes (Grandin and Scariano 1986). The relaxing effect was maximized if the machine was used twice a day.
Gradually, my tolerance of being held by the squeeze machine grew. Knowing that I could initiate the pressure, and stop it if the stimulation became too intense, helped me to reduce the oversensitivity of my “nervous system.” A once overwhelming stimulus was now a pleasurable experience.
Using the machine enabled me to learn to tolerate being touched by another person. By age 25, I was able to relax in the machine without pulling away from it. It also made me feel less aggressive and less tense. Soon I noted a change in our cat’s reaction to me. The cat, who used to run away from me now would stay with me, because I had learned to caress him with a gentler touch. I had to be comforted myself before I could give comfort to the cat.
As my “nervous system” calmed down, I required less squeeze pressure to produce a comforting feeling. Gradually, I could reduce the pressure regulator setting from 80 to 60 psi.Calming Effects of Deep Touch Pressure in Patients with Autistic Disorder, College Students, and Animals
But I’m tortured because whilst I don’t want to make a scene or have strangers adding to the overload and overwhelm, I’m simultaneously desperate for someone to give me a massive, firm, bear-hug. To hide me, cocoon me, and shield me from the shock waves that travel from their universe into mine.On meltdowns | The Misadventures of Mama Pineapple
I can think of no logical reasons why https://twitter.com/neurowonderful/status/1398175529212149763 Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body: deep pressure input good!! Provides proprioceptive input and can soothe body stress responses (always get consent) @neurowonderful A famous example of... should just be for babies because they are super helpful.
They’re like a hug without physical contact. That’s amazing!soundoftheforest
Penguin Pebbling: “I found this cool rock/button/leaf/etc and thought you would like it”
Penguin Pebbling gets back to SpIns, both inviting people into yours and encouraging other’s. SpIns are a trove fo r unconventional gift giving.
Neurodivergent Love Languages and Teamwork
Infodumping, parallel play, support swapping, and penguin pebbling are languages of teamwork and collaboration too, especially in distributed work cultures and “communication is oxygen” cultures. If only there were a distributed and work-appropriate equivalent for “Please Crush My Soul Back Into My Body”.
Appreciate the strange astrology of our There is consensus regarding some neurodevelopmental conditions being classed as neurominorities, with a ‘spiky profile’ of executive functions difficulties juxtaposed against neurocognitive strengths as a defining characteristic. Neurominorities, Spiky Profiles,... coming together.
Join the Randimals in learning about spiky profiles.
“We call ourselves Warriors and Be proud of what you are.We’re weird, and we’re glad we are.Weird Pride Promo 2021 https://twitter.com/MxOolong/status/1499306544449662977?s=20&t=XYCmQe4y50Kl7ZpwjY4S5w https://twitter.com/MxOolong/status/1499306546693607427?s=20&t=XYCmQe4y50Kl7ZpwjY4S5w What and who are you?You don't fit in here.Randimals Book 👏 Let's be....“
We call ourselves Warriors and Weirdos.
“What makes us different, makes all the difference in the world.”
And I don’t mind Our strange astrology I hope we find You bring the best out in me
To understand neurodivergent people in relationships of any kind, we must When we successfully reframe public discourse, we change the way the public sees the world. We change what counts as common sense. Because language activates frames, new language is required.... We reframe disability and difference with our Four Pillars.
Real help against the onslaught. Staying alive is a lot of work for a disabled person in an A system that places value on people's bodies and minds based on societally constructed ideas of normality, intelligence, excellence, desirability, and productivity. These constructed ideas are deeply rooted in anti-Blackness,... society.
The place where we belong does not exist. We will build it. Anti-ableist space for passion-based, A human-centered education: • Cultivates Purpose-Driven Classrooms • Ends Dehumanizing Practices • Demands Social Justice • Builds a Human-Centered World https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPO66Kan9fQ001u6s30EvXqNTpV-Mkdjp https://youtu.be/h9gQXG9T1RM Build human-centered classrooms around four values: • Learning... compatible with Neurodiversity is the diversity of human minds, the infinite variation in neurocognitive functioning within our species.NEURODIVERSITY: SOME BASIC TERMS & DEFINITIONS Neurodiversity is a biological fact. It’s not a perspective, an approach, a... and the In the broadest sense, the social model of disability is about nothing more complicated than a clear focus on the economic, environmental and cultural barriers encountered by people who are....
But, there is something sociology must do. It is our disciplinary imperative to understand societies. Just as communication studies understands forms of communication, sociology must understand the social. If we..., neurodiversity studies, disability studies, and syncretism, in the open. Improving science by restoring the humanities.
Stay relevant in a constantly changing world. Dismantle A system that places value on people's bodies and minds based on societally constructed ideas of normality, intelligence, excellence, desirability, and productivity. These constructed ideas are deeply rooted in anti-Blackness,... in your spaces. Enable dignity through access.
Why We Reframe
- 🌈♿️ Mutual Aid and Human-Centered Learning for Neurodivergent and Disabled People (9 minutes)
- Reframe Disability and Difference: We’re Going to Rewrite the Narratives (14 minutes)
- Happy Flappy (7 minutes)
- Pillars (3 minutes)
- ♿️📚The Need: Anti-Ableist Space for Human-Centered Learning (16 minutes)
- ❤️ The Answer: Reframing, Respectful Connection, and the Presumption of Competence (33 minutes)
- ⚡️🦅🌈 The Feeling: Electric Belonging and Soaring Inclusion (4 minutes)
- 📚 The Learning: Passion-Based, Human-Centered Learning Compatible With Neurodiversity and the Social Model of Disability (10 minutes)
- The Gift: Learning Disabilities Reframed (18 minutes)
- 🗂 Facts, Fire, and Feels: Research-Storytelling from the Edges (38 minutes)
- Questions for an Industry: Are You Disregarding Harm and Profiting From Our Misery? ( 17 minutes)
- Participatory, Emancipatory, Activist Research (29 minutes)
- Useful Autism Research: Welcome to This Very Important Update (31 minutes)
- 🧰✊ Services: Know Our Rights, These Are Our Rights (12 minutes)
Stimpunk combines “stimming” + “punk” to evoke open and proud stimming, resistance to neurotypicalization, and the DIY culture of punk, disabled, and neurodivergent communities. Instead of hiding our stims, we... Foundation challenges the typical approach to helping people who are neurodivergent or disabled. We know what it is like to live with barriers and what it means to not fit in and have to forge our own community. Stimpunks knows that neurodivergent and disabled people have human needs. We offer a humane approach to help our community thrive.
Through Stimpunks Foundation, we:
- Offer financial and mutual aid;
- Hire our community members as consultants;
- Provide a learning space designed for our community; and
- Support our community’s open research efforts.
One in four U.S. adults have a disability. However, our community receives only 2% of US grant funding, and only 19% of us are employed. We can’t just let that be the Justice, equality, fairness, mercy, longsuffering, Work, Passion, knowledge, and above all else, Truth. Those are my primary emotions.Very Grand Emotions: How Autistics and Neurotypicals Experience Emotions Differently » NeuroClastic https://youtu.be/uPRa6G2a48E.... We have to challenge the Normal was created, not discovered, by flawed, eccentric, self-interested, racist, ableist, homophobic, sexist humans. Normal is a statistical fiction, nothing less. Knowing this is the first step toward reclaiming your... and change the When we successfully reframe public discourse, we change the way the public sees the world. We change what counts as common sense. Because language activates frames, new language is required... around people who are neurodivergent or disabled.
Stimpunks Foundation seeks to do just that. Learn more at stimpunks.org.