The moment: it is about to be written into an IEP goal.
Forcing eye contact harms Autistic and Neurodivergent students. It can be physically painful, it competes with listening, and for many of us looking away is how we pay attention. An eye contact goal builds no communication and no learning — it builds masking. The face carries the case; the reverse carries what to do instead, what real engagement actually looks like, and the sources. Adapted from the Eye Contact Why Sheet.
Side A of B
Eye Contact
Eye contact is treated in schools as a sign of attention, respect, and honesty. It is not reliable evidence of any of the three. In some places it is written into IEP goals and behaviour plans, and children are made to perform it.
Looking away is
how we listen.
a child looking away is not being rude · they are working
Brain imaging shows eye contact overactivating a region that produces arousal and distress in Autistic people. A child who looks away is protecting themselves from pain, not showing disrespect — and demanding it anyway asks a child to hurt themselves so that an adult is more comfortable.
Many of us can look or listen, not both at once. Gaze aversion cuts the incoming sensory load so the brain can process language and meaning. Even non-Autistic adults answer hard questions better when they look away — and children taught to use it deliberately perform better.
An eye contact goal trains a child to perform someone else’s norm for someone else’s comfort. It builds no communication, no learning, no self-advocacy. What it builds is masking — and masking is linked to burnout, anxiety, depression and loss of identity.
“Eye contact — who’s it for? It’s not for the Autistic child. It’s for the recipient. It’s for their own validation.”
Thinking Person’s Guide to Autismstimpunks.org/why/eye-contact
free to print, copy, change and share · CC0 1.0
reverse
Side B of B
- Do not prompt “look at me” as a precursor to instruction.
- Do not put eye contact in IEP goals, behaviour plans, or compliance rubrics. Put communication, learning and self-determination there instead.
- Do not read gaze aversion as rudeness, defiance, or inattention.
- If a student makes eye contact, welcome it. If they don’t, welcome that too.
- Allow looking away, movement and stimming while listening. Reduce sensory load. Give processing time.
- Presume competence. The child who is not looking at you is very likely paying close attention.
- responding to questions
- participating in discussion
- demonstrating understanding
- asking questions
- completing work
A student may be fully engaged while looking away. Measure learning and participation — not gaze direction.
Eye contact norms also vary across cultures. In many, avoiding the gaze of an authority figure is the respectful thing to do. Teaching one style as the correct one enforces a narrow norm and calls it a skill.
“We can either look like we’re paying attention, or we can actually pay attention, in our way, using our tools.”
Ryan Boren · Stimpunks FoundationStudents should not be required to perform behaviours that interfere with their ability to learn. For many Neurodivergent students, looking away is a tool for thinking.
Supporting that difference is not lowering expectations. It is designing environments that respect how diverse minds work.
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Foundation
One sheet · print double-sided · take it to the meeting · share freely