This is the Story of Victoria
Just like a mourning dove
And there’s no glory in Dysphoria
VictoriaBad Cop/Bad Cop – Victoria Lyrics
With fascists criminalizing transgender existence and pushing for government-mandated conversion therapy—forcing youth to have the wrong puberty—the chorus to Victoria has been running through our heads.
Source: When Worlds Collide – Mental Illness Within the Trans Community — Lionheart
everyone's walking in a straight line I can't seem to fit in I won't even try to be like them what is it like? to just be acceptedAcceptance means training mental health service providers to look at autism and other disabilities as a part of a person's identity, rather than a problem that needs to be fixed. Acceptance... More for being yourself and not having to come out of your comfort zone so here, here I am
we are the people you see on TV that can't seem to shut up that never seem pleased our entire existence is still part of debates when breathing is political then you just don't believe in slow progress and take your faith in own hands So here, here I am don't hold me up everyone's walking in a straight line I can't seem to fit in I won't even try to be like them what is it like? to just be accepted (here I am) --Queer Line (Non-Binary / LGBTQIA+ song) by Eyemèr
Why are there greater mental health stresses on autisticAutistic ways of being are human neurological variants that can not be understood without the social model of disability.If you are wondering whether you are Autistic, spend time amongst Autistic people, online and offline. If… More people from gender-minority groups? To quote from the research paper,
Source: Ann’s Autism Blog: Autism, Transgender and Avoiding Tragedy
I've got one fatal flaw I'm a compulsive liar If I don't love you I will tell you anything And even if I love you I'll always be conniving I'll always be negotiating with the truth And I can trace the habit To when I was eleven And I thought boys were pretty And I couldn't tell no one
It opens at a young age That all-protective closet Just lock the door And settle in among the raincoats The longer you stay in there The more you'll get distorted The more contorted all your lies will have to be Don't wait a moment longer: Stand up and turn the doorknob And I'll tell you my secret If you will tell me yours --Compulsive Liar by Ezra Furman
Transition from nowhere to nowhere Here I come again Nobody cares if you're dying 'til you're dead Ambition leads nowhere I dream of going right back to bed Nobody cares if you're dying 'til you're dead And if it's not enough to keep the lights on Let 'em turn the lights off Broken spirit and a bad cough Turn 'em off, turn 'em off And when you’re really at the end of your rope No, you don’t take the night off Too many demons to fight off Cut me off, cut me off
Remember I tried to ask what it means to be a man? They threw me in the back of a truck and they tied my hands --Transition from Nowhere to Nowhere by Ezra Furman
For more songs—and perspective—on dysphoria, minority stress, and queer and neurodivergent mental health, check out our playlist ”Chronic Neurodivergent Depressed Queer Punk: Punk Rock, the Social Model of Disability, and the Dream of the Accepting Community”.
Autigender and Neuroqueer: Two Words on the Relationship Between Autism and Gender That Fit Me
These two words helped me figure myself out more. Passing them along.
AutigenderAutigender flag: black infinity symbol over gradient green horizontal stripes More is not explicitly saying that “My gender is autism” – it’s not about saying you are a boy, girl, enby, autism, whatever. It’s about your relationship with your gender.
Because of this, we can have exceptionally complicated and unique understanding of what gender is, how it affects us, and how we express gender.
Autigender is a word that describes this unique, complicated relationship. So when a person is saying that they are autigender, what they are saying is more or less that their understanding of gender is fundamentally altered by their autism.
Because autigender describes the relationship with gender, an autigender person’s gender can be, well anything. Boy. Girl. Enby. Cis. Trans. Anything. Agender. Gender Nope.
So what about a person who says they are autigender, and that IS their gender? Well, I think this still describes the relationship with their gender – Specifically in this case, their autism affects their understanding to such a degree that they just can’tbe any more descriptive with regards to gender. That leaves the only word they have – autigender.Candidly Autistic — What exactly is autigender? I’ve seen it used a…
“Autigender” is a term that some autistic people use to describe their relationship with gender. Specifically, it means that they feel that their autism affects the way they perceive and feel about gender.
But this is a complete misunderstanding of the term.
No one who calls themselves “autigender” is going to write “autism” next to the word “gender” on a questionnaire.
In other words, are there really more gay/trans/queer/ace autistic people, or do they just figure it out/come out of the closet more readily than non-autistic people?
We don’t know yet.
I don’t call myself autigender, but I get it. Gender is confusing to me, too.
I don’t feel offended by the idea of autigender. But some people really do. They feel it insults other non-binary and genderqueer people, that it mocks and makes light of their relationship with their gender. Autistic community leaders try to remind people that if you don’t like the term, you don’t have to use it.
But if it gives some people a feeling of belonging and helps them describe what must be a very complicated emotional response, then you should support them and let them call it what they want.
If someone feels their autism is affecting how they perceive their gender, let them call themselves autigender.
Considering how many LGBTQA+ autistic folk there are, I think there’s something in that one way or another.7 Cool Aspects of Autistic Culture » NeuroClastic
So what does it mean to neuroqueer, as a verb? What are the various practices that fall within the definition of neuroqueering…Neuroqueer: An Introduction
Just as intentionally liberating oneself from the culturally ingrained and enforced performance of heteronormativity is sometimes referred to as queering, intentionally liberating oneself from the culturally ingrained and enforced performance of neuronormativity can be thought of as neuroqueering.
The concept of neuroqueering represents a rich and important intersection of the fields of NeurodiversityNeurodiversity is the diversity of human minds, the infinite variation in neurocognitive functioning within our species.NEURODIVERSITY: SOME BASIC TERMS & DEFINITIONS Neurodiversity is a biological fact. It’s not a perspective, an approach, a… More Studies and Queer Theory.Neuroqueer Heresies: Notes on the Neurodiversity Paradigm, Autistic Empowerment, and Postnormal Possibilities
My favorite articulation of Queer Theory’s transcendence of the limitations of essentialist identity politicsWe realize that the only people who care enough about us to work consistently for our liberation are us. Our politics evolve from a healthy love for ourselves, our sisters… More is a single sentence penned in 1997 by queer theorist David M. Halperin. In his book Saint Foucault: Towards a Gay Hagiography, Halperin wrote:
“Queer,” in any case, does not designate a class of already objectified pathologies or perversions; rather, it describes a horizon of possibility whose precise extent and heterogeneous scope cannot in principle be delimited in advance.
This post-essentialist articulation of the meaning and potentials of queer also perfectly sums up my conception of the meaning and potentials of neuroqueer. Neuroqueer is not a mere synonym for neurodivergent, or for neurodivergent identity combined with queer identity. Neuroqueer is active subversion of both neuronormativity and heteronormativity. Neuroqueer is intentional noncomplianceNoncompliance is a social skill.Noncompliance is one of the most important social skills. Noncompliance skills make it possible to say no, even when others want your right to say no to… More with the demands of normativeNormal was created, not discovered, by flawed, eccentric, self-interested, racist, ableist, homophobic, sexist humans. Normal is a statistical fiction, nothing less. Knowing this is the first step toward reclaiming your… More performance. Neuroqueer is choosing to actively engage with one’s potentials for neurodivergenceNeurodivergent, sometimes abbreviated as ND, means having a mind that functions in ways which diverge significantly from the dominant societal standards of “normal.”NEURODIVERSITY: SOME BASIC TERMS & DEFINITIONS Neurodivergent is quite… More and queerness, and the intersections and synergies of those potentials. Neuroqueer is about recognizing the fundamentally entwined nature of cognition, gender, and embodiment, and also about treating cognition, gender, and embodiment as fluid and customizable, and as canvases for ongoing creative experimentation.
Neuroqueer transcends essentialist identity politics not only by treating identity as fluid and customizable, but also by being radically inclusive. Neuroqueering is something anyone can potentially do, and there are infinite possible ways to do it and infinite possible ways to be transformed by it. The term neuroqueer points to a horizon of creative possibility with which anyone can choose to engage.Neuroqueer Heresies: Notes on the Neurodiversity Paradigm, Autistic Empowerment, and Postnormal Possibilities
Coming to Terms
I didn’t have the vocabulary for what I felt back in Southern Baptist Texas in the 1970s and 80s, but I was uncomfortable with and resistant to gender norms as a kid. They felt: silly, arbitrary, oppressive, confining, unnecessary, counter-productive, irrational. They did not make sense. They did not fit.
A small, shareable anecdote of the ways norms went against my grind, from a lifetime collection:
I didn’t openly express myself in dress much—I was deathly afraid of being noticed and totally unsure about what I felt—but I would splash some color in. I opted for a pink tinted coating on a new pair of eyeglasses once. Kids at school gave me grief, but I liked them and came to wear them as a defiant badge and also a sort of shield. My father had the coating removed.
Several burnoutsAutistic burnout is a state of physical and mental fatigue, heightened stress, and diminished capacity to manage life skills, sensory input, and/or social interactions, which comes from years of being… More and a retirement later, I have zero capacity for maskingMasking is exhausting. Utterly utterly draining. I’ve had people say to me many times over the years “But WHY are you so tired? What have you been doing?” and I’ve… More, for attenuating myself to the sensibilities of surrounding bigots and bullies. I enjoy my pink and my flower print Thai fisherman pants and wistfully wishing I could dial my gender to my pansexual, polyamorous, genderpunkGenderpunk: a colloquial term for culture and resistance against gendernormativity; an identity that in and of itself is a resistance against gender norms, homophobia and transphobia, oppression and societal status… More, genderqueer mood.
Autigender and neuroqueer are the best fits I’ve found after a lifetime of seeking. Perhaps a term that fits even better will emerge. Perhaps it’s already out there for me to discover. I’ll keep readingThere are three types of reading: eye reading, ear reading, and finger reading.The Dyslexia Empowerment Plan: A Blueprint for Renewing Your Child’s Confidence and Love of Learning Most schools and… More other queer autistics as we help each other figure ourselves out.
- Focus: Autism Spectrum Disorders: Gender Identity and Autism Spectrum Disorders
- Increased gender variance in autism spectrum disorders and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. – PubMed – NCBI
- Autistic Traits in an Internet Sample of Gender Variant UK Adults: International Journal of Transgenderism: Vol 16, No 4
- Autism Spectrum Disorders in Gender Dysphoric Children and Adolescents
- Evaluation of Asperger Syndrome in Youth Presenting to a Gender Dysphoria Clinic
- Gender Variance Among Youth with Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Retrospective Chart Review
- Gender Dysphoria and Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Systematic Review of the Literature
- Autism Spectrum Disorders in Gender Dysphoric Children and Adolescents | SpringerLink
- Traits of Autism Spectrum Disorders in Adults with Gender Dysphoria | SpringerLink
- The effect of High-Functioning Autism on Sexual Orientation and Gender-Identity
- Brief Report: Autistic Features in Children and Adolescents with Gender Dysphoria. – PubMed – NCBI
Bird, You Can Fly
So the time has come For your soul to finally belong Stop the facade Though the world is not ready for you and I You're starting your life From this moment now Bird you can fly Bird you can fly You're breaking out Out of your shell today
You're starting your life From this moment now Bird you can fly Bird you can fly You're breaking out Out of your shell today Kid, you'll be fine You're not a girl You're not a boy Nor am I Kid, you'll be fine You're not a girl You're not a boy Nor am I
Kid, you'll be fine You're not a girl You're not a boy Nor am I Kid, you'll be fine You're not a girl You're not a boy Nor am I Kid, you'll be fine You're not a girl You're not a boy Nor am I --Bird, You Can Fly (Non-Binary Song) by Eyemèr
If you loved me I wouldn't have to run away I wouldn't have to hide away Through this life If I could transform And change the way I am right now I'd be Exactly what you want to see If you loved me I wouldn't have to be sad I could smile and you'd be glad That I'm from this life If I could transform I wouldn't have to be afraid I wouldn't have to be unmade From this life I don't want special treatment I don't want attention I just want to coexist On the realm that you play on Open up your heart Take me as I am Love me, hate me, break my heart Just let me live
Well, if you loved me I wouldn't have to be sad I could smile and you'd be glad That I'm from this life (If I could) Transform And I don't have to be afraid I wouldn't have to be unmade From this life Life Well, if you loved me I wouldn't have to be sad I could smile and you'd be glad That I'm from this life If I could transform I wouldn't have to be afraid I wouldn't have to be unmade From this life Life! Transform!
Give yourself a combo plate (Combo plate) Transform Transform, transform, everybody transform If we could transform We wouldn't have to be afraid We wouldn't have to be unmade From this life If we could transform And change the way we are right now It'd be Much, much, too easy Can you take those thoughts away? Can't you see I'm fine? Warm your heart, don't you see It's just the same as mine? Am I naive? --Transform by Steam Powered Giraffe
The Malfunction Isn’t Us, It’s all the Clamor and the Fuss
Raise your hand if you’re not from a mold (yeah me) Varied strings are worth more than gold Mah-ah-ah-ah-ahl function away Mah-ah-ah-ah-ahl function away Malfunction! Malfunction! Malfunction! ... Their Malfunction isn’t us, it’s all the clamor and the fuss
I’m about to pick you up get you back up on your feet you don’t need to worry love Even if we’re incomplete Come on baby open up Pull out the wires and trim the fluff Be yourself sounds so cliche But hey let's do it anyway
We’re functioning just fine, we’re alive At this junction of dysfunction we are arrive What’s your Malfunction? Don’t be scare, It don’t matter how you wear your hair What’s your Malfunction? Bring it forth perfect’s a bore for what it’s worth Curvy, skinny, or bizarre The best shape is who you are Raise your hand if you’re not from a mold (yeah me) Varied strings are worth more than gold Mah-ah-ah-ah-ahl function away Mah-ah-ah-ah-ahl function away Malfunction! Malfunction! Malfunction! Feel the fires as they tickle your face Watch and learn as they make you feel disgrace Ones and zeroes left over, left out to haunt Comb them in and let them want I want more from this stupid life Do you want more from this stupid life? (oh yeah) Ones and zeroes, ones and zeroes, ones and zeroes Add them up, take them up, show them I’m functioning just fine I’m alive At my junction of dysfunction we arrive What’s their Malfunction? It’s a start; Can we teach them not to fall apart? Their Malfunction isn’t us, it’s all the clamor and the fuss When I say that I love you, dammit Janet, take it as truth Everything’s a little broken To be pristine well you must be jokin’ Mah-ah-ah-ah-ahl-function away Mah-ah-ah-ah-ahl-function away -- Malfunction
Left: Lydia Santos (she/they), autistic, epileptic, demigirl lesbian. 26 y/o (if they care)
Right: Maxine Fields (she/her), adhder, bisexual cis woman and Lydia’s girlfriend. 28 y/o (again, if they care)
ArtThe arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly,… More: itsyagerg_zero
I’m about to pick you up get you back up on your feet you don’t need to worry love Even if we’re incomplete When I say that I love you, dammit Janet, take it as truth